Her Bad Mother

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Cause what's Saturday without a good game of tag?


I’ve been tagged by the totally awesome Kristen! Which is very exciting, and very timely, because my next post was shaping up to be very Deep and Pedantic and possibly Very Dull and we all really need some nonsensical blather instead, no?

To that end, then... Behold, the meme:

Accent(s): With adults – Canadian (tho’ I’ve been known to insist that there is no such thing as a Canadian accent. Who, me? Say a-boot? Eh? Never!)

With my child – Muppet or Gangsta.

Booze of Choice: Very, very dry vodka martini, shaken, with olive. But that was put to the test recently.

Chore I Hate: Every last freakin’ one of them. What chore do I not mind? Putting clothes into the wash. (Oh, the accomplishment! I have cleared the floor – yes, the floor – of laundry!) What chore do I especially hate? Taking clothes out of dryer for ironing, folding, and putting away. (Kills the aforementioned accomplishment buzz. I’m not done yet?)

Dog or Cat: Have Siamese cats, but they’re not so much cats as they are scrawny cross-eyed dogs that have Problems With Authority. Love dogs, want dog, won’t get dog anytime soon because am lazy and worried about more mess in already messy household. However, if a dog ever does join our household, she will be a bulldog and she will be named Lady Margaret Finnegan O’Flaherty of Bath.

Essential Electronics: I really want to say ‘vibrator’ to be funny, but a) I don’t have one, so that would be lying, and b) if I really did have one I’d be too embarrassed to admit it (See? I’m too much of an embarrass-aphobe to even allow myself to lie and say that I do have one. Can you say uptight?)

The truth? Digital Camera, Sony Cybershot.

Favorite perfume(s)/cologne(s): Creed's Spring Flowers. What I actually smell like, day to day? Spit up.

Gold or silver: Why? You got some?

Hometown: According to my mother: cabbage patch. According to my birth certificate: Vancouver, BC, Canada.

Insomnia: Are you kidding? Dudes. I have a four-month old baby.

Job Title(s): Handmatron to WonderBaby, Future Ruler of the Known and Unknown Universe; Official Companion and Playmate of SuperHusband; Keeper of the Revolutionary Siamese WonderTwins. Recreational titles? PhD (ABD) and University Instructor.

Kids: We keep no goats here. So, no.

Living Arrangements: Drafty old house that is far too small for one Future Ruler of the Universe and her entourage.

Most Admired Trait: Once upon a time – the ability to consume multiple vodka martinis while saying clever things with obscure references to, among other things, Plutarch, Nietzsche and America’s Next Top Model. Now? The ability to put on shoes with WonderBaby already strapped into the Baby Bjorn.

Are those skills rather than traits? Fine – my Most Admired Trait is that I am Clever. But note that my saying that my most admired trait is my Cleverness immediately makes me Irritating. Which cancels out the Clever as admirable.

So I’ll just refer you back to my mad skillz, noted above (Unusual Skillz to follow).

Number of Sexual Partners: See Essential Electronics, above. No, that doesn’t mean that I count vibrators as sexual partners. It means that I am an embarrass-aphobe and so do not talk about sexual activity. Well, not my own, anyway. I’m all up for talking about yours!

Overnight Hospital Stays: Two – once with pneumonia as a child, and once with birth of WonderBaby. The first time, people brought me Barbie Dolls and candy. The second time, not so much. I’m still waiting, people.

Phobia: Embarrassment (see Essential Electronics; Number of Sexual Partners, above.) Needles. Spiders. Dentists. Enclosed spaces. Being embarrassed in front of spidery dentists with needles in enclosed spaces.

Quote: ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.’ Miss Piggy.

Religion: Deeply Conflicted Catholic

Siblings: One sister, much loved and much battled with.

Time(s) I Wake Up: Many. This week’s schedule - 3am, 5am and 7am.

Unusual Talent/Skill: Can change channels using remote with my toes. Also, can, like Kristen, recite names of all the books of the Bible in sequence. Am working on doing both simultaneously.

And? I can also do a mean solo re-enactment of scenes from the first season of Lost – especially ones featuring Claire (‘HE TRIED TO TAKE MY BAAAAY-BEEE!!!’) or Hurley (‘Dude. We gotta BOOK’) – but I think that only WonderBaby really appreciates this particular skill.

Vegetable I Refuse To Eat: Eggplant. Even the name is gross.

Worst Habit(s): Making up voices for every animate and inanimate thing in our household. Insisting that the word ‘dude’ is in the lexicon of every animate and inanimate thing in the household.

Capitalizing Words that I think are Important. Being extremely wordy when filling out questionnaires.

X-rays: Couldn’t say, because x-rays are generally not memorable occasions. Vaginal ultrasounds, on the other hand, one never forgets. I’ve had three.

Yummiest Food I Make: Are vodka martinis a food?

Zodiac Sign: Taurus or Gemini, depending upon the astrologer (was born on cusp – May 21). Yes, that does make me special.

*********

My turn to tag now! If you haven’t already been tagged, Ninepounddictator, Jezer, Christina and Scarbiedoll – you’re it!

6 Comments:

Anonymous Kristen said...

HAHAHAHA That's fabulous. Well done Her Bad Mother. And sorry about those wakey wakey times... Hopefully that will get better soonly!

7:20 PM  
Blogger Jezer said...

LOVED it! AND this is my very first time to ever, EVER be tagged! I feel like I've finally arrived here in the ol' blogosphere!

So, as soon as I can wipe away the tears of laughter invoked by that unbelievably funny and adorable photo of Miss E (and wrench the boy off of my boob) I will fulfill my duties as Tagged One.

Sweet!

8:14 PM  
Blogger something blue said...

Clever. Yes Indeed! Thanks for stopping by my blog so that I could witness this witty post.

WonderBaby is so sweet. What beautiful eyes.

Oh, and my oldest daughter shares your birthday.

9:22 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

This whole damn post had me laughing my butt off. Please post more like this so I can finally work off the baby flab!

And your baby girl is too cute!

10:09 PM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

That was the funniest post ever! Well done :)

And Wonderbaby couldn't be more cute.

I am now officially a loyal reader of your blog.

S

11:20 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Hey! I'm enjoying your blog, having tripped into your corner of blooger in a roundabout way through comments on other blogs. I'm in Toronto too - where are you? (and I too insist we don't have accents, live in a drafty old house, and hate chores, though I doubt any of those are unusual among Torontonians!)

11:40 AM  

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